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Old 10-10-2012, 04:49 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Originally Posted by SkylerSquirrel View Post
Perhaps you missed the part where I DID say I WANTED HIM TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS KID.
No I didn't miss that statement. However the following statements are contradictory to each other:

Originally Posted by SkylerSquirrel View Post
- I want him to have as little influence as possible on our kid. I donít want our kid learning these behaviors from him.
- I do want him to have a relationship with our kid. I think that would be good for him.
I would think "I do want him to have a relationship with our kid, but I don't want him to learn x,y,z behavior from him" avoids the implications and conclusions people will draw from your first statement. First impressions are a BIG deal, so when you start with heavy negative statements, it overshadows everything else.

But I'm sure his lawyer is going to paint it like I'm evil and I'm trying to steal him, and honestly I don't know if I can handle that.
That's his job, do not take anything the lawyer says personally.

The other reason I am concerned about him being around my kid is that his father was physically and emotionally abusive to him as a child (something no one in his family will admit but the things they have described are abusive). Abuse tends to perpetuate itself through generations.
This didn't bother you before you had a kid? OK, likely it didn't even occur to you until you had a kid to protect, but projecting "possible" negative outcomes as reasons to limit his involvement in your kids life is what will get you painted as an "evil child stealer". It is also keeping you in a state of fear, which is unhealthy for you and will not be in the best interest of your child. Instead ask for mandated counceling and parenting classes for both of you, a toddler is capable of driving any parent to the brink of madness. However, there are no guarantees, people who were NEVER abused as kids have been know to resort to abuse and vice versa.

You obviously see some good qualities in you kids father or you wouldn't have stated that you still love him. Having your kid see you be strong against obvious attempt at manipulation is also invaluable. Do a search on "non-violent communication" there is some extremely helpful ways to change how you communicate, that can more effectively get your point across without them seeing and attack and immediately putting up defenses.

Yes, my brother's situation is different. His ex is doing everything in her power to "limit his influence", including lying and trying to manipulate the court.
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