Remembered words I was struggling to pin down yesterday.
"The ability to self-validate."
There. The broken people. I do not find them attractive because they lack the ability to self-validate and seem like they want me to be their machine dispenser for that.
I don't mind giving a partner support, encouragement, nurture. I don't mind affirming their value. I don't mind meeting reasonable partner needs. I'd like my own needs met in a partnership. I'm up for taking it in turns. That feels good. Yay.
But faced with a broken person that will not own it and try to work on it? I cringe. I think things like...
It would NOT feel good to me to have to CHRONICALLY validate you. I can affirm and reaffirm only but so much. Isn't my BEING here with you enough validation that I enjoy you and your company? No?
Well, if you think you are too horrible to like? Somewhere in there you think I am stupid to even be with horrible you then. You push me away denying me emotional intimacy because I am so stupid.
Or you feel the need to hide your horribleness so I don't dump you. Fearful thoughts. Clinging. I'm denied emotional intimacy with you. Because you are clammed up tight. But still want to use me as your IV drip.
Yet only YOU can change how you think and what dog you feed.
I'm not feeding your white dog for you while you feed the other one madly to the point of it taking up all your emotional space. Draaaining. No, thanks. No desire to sign up for that job. You have made no room for me in your heart to be in there with you. You are an emotional vampire.
So no. Not attracted to broken.
I might consider "broken and trying to mend" person. But "broken and not owning it" person? Nope.