Sigh. I am sorry you are enduring this.
But, the bottom line is, we don't either one struggle with the insecurities and fears that Maca does. But, we were part of the creation of those insecurities (No. His insecure is HIS feeling. You helped create the old situation making of the cheating start affair. Not his insecure.) and we are both willing to make allowances to our freedoms as recompense. (in the new situation making of being in trio in polyship... even at the expense of the new situation ever getting to fly straight?)
Have you done enough time served yet? When does "The needs of the many" in the polyship outweigh "the needs of the one" take effect? The need of the polyship to fly straight in harmony? Versus individual needs?
- Maca's need to not make waves and need to not do personal growth work and not remove himself from the polyship for his own best health interest. He clearly wants to be more monoshipping and is under strain.
- GG's need to not make waves and need to not deal in boundary patrol and perimeter walks and not deal in removing the polyship from Maca. Prob under strain.
- LR's need to not makes waves and need to be the fix it all lady and not deal in removing the polyship from Maca. Def under strain.
It's like nobody wanted to make the waves before and here we are again. Nobody wanting to make waves now. Everyone wants to deal with their own need, but ignores their duty to serve the needs of the greater polyship they created.
So it can fly well and fly straight.
Everyone endures a crooked polyship and polyship nausea because... nobody wants to reach out for personal harmony? Polyship harmony? Be free of strain? Baffling.
Y'all sound depressed
. Everyone been to check ups?
If this REALLY were a spaceship you all are crew members on... if it was going around flying in squiggles in the air... Ground Control would signal you and go "WTF crew!? Everyone ok? Is the ship broken? Do you need to land for medic/repairs? Is anyone at the controls? The mission is to go where you have not gone before in harmonious polyshipping trio -- not keep on squigglin' around here all the time in same squigglefest endangering yourselves, the ship, and others if you crash. How can we help you solve the prob? Hello? Hello? Is there anybody in there? "
Thing is, in polyshipping you ARE your own Ground Control. It becomes the greatest balancing act ever -- my needs, their needs, the great polyship needs... spinning many plates at once.
You are in a Time of Discernment for yourself if you are considering leaving (when?)
or staying (for how long before next assessment? Or for final landing?)
You have to make choices about what sustains your own health and well being.
And that's all we can ever do. Sigh. We cannot choose how we feel. We just feel it. We can only control our own behavior, and choose what the next behavior will be in response to our current feeling.
We choose who to be in relationship with or not and how. It is hard. I do not know what you guys want to pick for yourselves next. But my heart goes out to you all because you struggle so now.
Hang in there. But do choose. Even not choosing is a choice. Time does have a habit of solving things all on its own.
But then your choice on the table is "Do I have the Time to lose to solve this problem with the option of "choosing not to choose?" Is this the best way to spend the time of my life?"
We are always choosing and not choosing. Life Chess. Play well.
Let the board know what kind of specific support you are needing at this time if you know it. I'm willing to help give support. I cannot choose things for you. That I wouldn't be willing to do even if I could. Not my chess game to play.
So I'll just give the general support of the ministry of presence since I do not know your specific support needs:
- Aye. My heart goes out to you. I cannot change a thing. I can only choose to dwell in your pain, if even for a moment, to write you a note you can see. And take on a bit of your burden so your load becomes a bit lighter. At least enough so you know you are not suffering alone and unseen. *hug*
- Aye. I see you struggle in a Time of Suckage. I see your suffering. It does indeed suck.
- I see you, though your inner light right now burns dim and not the brightest LR light it could be.
I do still see you.
I see you. Shine on!