Originally Posted by LovingRadiance
1) So, my question is-what are others thoughts on how needing anyone affects other people's perception of you?
2) Are you revolted by people who are looking for a partner versus people who are just out to enjoy life and see finding a partner as a nice side effect?
3) Do you encounter this?
4) Does it bother you?
5) If you feel repulsed by this, and your partner behaved this way in seeking another partner, what would your reaction me?
6) Have you been like this and overcome it? If so, how?
1) I think first and formost I look and see if what I see as neediness really is neediness or something else. Like I know for myself I'm pretty much tied on love languages of touch and quality time. So when I seek that out from my partners it's not because I can't function without them but having those works the best for me to feel and understand their love for me. So one of the first things I would do with someone who is seeming needy is if there's a possiblity that what functions as thier primary love language is not being met. If it is that they don't feel like they can function without the person it depends on my level of involvement with them. If it's a partner who can't function without me (or vice versa as it's has happened) I try to give them the support they need at the moment while also helping them build up their own abilities (which is what had to happen for me when I was dealing with my depression, I needed my partners at that time to get me to function because I couldn't pull myself out of anything). If it's a metamour then I support the partner who is dealing with it. I also try to help the metamour realize that they don't have to relay only on their direct partner because I know that having all your energy depending on one person can drain that person.
2) I don't think revolted is the right word. I feel sad for them. I understand the feeling of needing someone because I've been there before and it makes me sad because I know that there's some other issue going on that they are scared to deal with or unaware of.
3) I don't think I have really seen any of my friends or my paramours/metamours really have this need to be in a relationship with someone, anyone just to be in a relationship.
4) N/A as per 3.
5) If a partner was acting like this I would first want to know what was going on that made them feel like the needed someone. After that I would support them in trying to work through whatever is causing their current neediness so then if they do find someone they can have a healthy relationship.
6) I have done this. Pretty much from about the age of 17/18 till about 22. I had some serious personal issues that I was running from and in doing so was latching on to anyone I could just because I didn't want myself around. I got into therapy and started actually working on my demons and then realized I didn't need anyone but me, found my fiancee and later we became mono-poly because I started falling in love with other people and he was fine with that.