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Old 10-10-2012, 09:58 AM
Cleo Cleo is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 484

Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post

So, my question is-what are others thoughts on how needing anyone affects other people's perception of you?
Are you revolted by people who are looking for a partner versus people who are just out to enjoy life and see finding a partner as a nice side effect?
Do you encounter this?
Does it bother you?
If you feel repulsed by this, and your partner behaved this way in seeking another partner, what would your reaction me?
Have you been like this and overcome it? If so, how?

I have a needy, dependant, getting-attached-too-easily side to my personality. I am in touch with these aspects of myself, and I would never call them 'revolting', 'disgusting' or 'repulsive'. Those are some pretty strong words to talk about what I consider some basic human wekanesses...They are part of who I am, and they are things I work on.
The men I date don't get to see this side of me. At least not for a loooooong time. In fact, they get to see someone who comes across as so independant and autonomous, that it sometimes intimidates them and scares them away. (I'm not making this up, I have litereally been told this). But yes, that strong woman, who lives her life and isn't looking for someone to fill a gap or black hole, is also me. I am a whole person, but to me this means that I am not always strong, and not always have everything lined up perfectly.

There was a time when my husband was deep in NRE and I was dating like a madwoman trying to find someone who could fill this place in my life, someone who would have the same position in my life like she had in his life. Not a very healthy or balanced thing to do, possibly. But I did it, I never came across as needy or desperate to any of the guys I was dating, I met some great people, and after 6 months I met two incredible guys almost at once (when it rains, it pours).

I wouldn't date someone who stated upfront, from the beginning, that he was looking for someone to complete him. But I would most certainly date someone who confessed to insecurity issues and (occasional) needyness.

What I find immensely attractive is someone who is secure enough to admit to his insecurities.. to me this often boils down to the difference between people who consider themselves a victim of their own bad situation and expect others to fix this, and people who own their own mess and can say 'okay I'm not perfect and I mess up lots of times and i'm not always the best person I can be, but it's up to me to fix this and I don't expect you to do this for me'.
Cleo - forties straight female
Ren - husband of 20 + years
Bo - BF of 2 + years
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