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Old 10-10-2012, 05:14 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Saskatchewan
Posts: 2,131

So, my question is-what are others thoughts on how needing anyone affects other people's perception of you?

When I meet someone who says they need another person to feel complete, I usually don't even want to be friends with them. Babies need someone, children need someone, invalids need someone. Complete, healthy, whole people need a social group of course, humans are social creatures. But if they think that meeting someone will make their problems go away, it tells me they don't understand healthy relationships.

Are you revolted by people who are looking for a partner versus people who are just out to enjoy life and see finding a partner as a nice side effect?

Yes. Perhaps not as strong as "revolted" because I'm just too apathetic towards them to feel that way. At most, I feel sympathy and try to help them see that they need to find happiness in themselves. If they're not receptive, I walk away and don't look back.

Do you encounter this?

Occasionally, but but my radar is well-tuned and I usually pick up on it.

Does it bother you?

I choose not to allow it to bother me. I don't have any people like this in my life, and I control whether such people enter my life. By choosing not to allow that to happen, I decide not to be bothered by those people.

If you feel repulsed by this, and your partner behaved this way in seeking another partner, what would your reaction me?

I want to say that I'm immune to that, but that's probably naive. My current partners both have an excellent grasp on human psychology. I suspect that if one of them developed such a need, it would stem from a different type of problem that I'd like to think would be identified and dealt with before it gets to that stage.

I once had a boyfriend who'd long suffered from depression and was on Paxil when we met. Because of its effects on sex drive and weight gain, he wanted to quit. Under doctor's supervision, he began reducing his dose. Before long, I started to feel like his "happy thing," a substitute for the drugs. I couldn't deal with that and I bailed. I felt mean at the time, but the decision was right for me.

Have you been like this and overcome it? If so, how?

*Stares up and to the right, reaching into the depths of memory*

I don't know if I would use the word "need." I know there were times in my late teens / early twenties when I really wanted someone to date. It's not that I felt like there was a hole in my life, I just really wanted to be with someone. I would spend time scouring dating sites, looking for that person. It never worked out. So I gave up and found other ways to make myself happy. Whaddya know, shortly after I started taking care of my own needs, I started meeting people.

The first time I made that connection, that taking care of your own needs first is the only way you're going to find happiness, and that as a bonus it makes you more attractive as a mate, it was such an epiphany. I wanted to, and probably did, tell everyone I knew about my revelation. I'm still looking for a way to get through to people about that, though. Do you just have to learn it for yourself, or do you think it's possible to teach?
Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).

The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."
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