View Single Post
Old 10-10-2012, 04:08 AM
CielDuMatin's Avatar
CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,456

Originally Posted by nurseypoo1 View Post
We have said that if feelings develop we would deal with that when and if the time came.
If I may give you a word of advice, if you think that this is a possibility, don't wait until he is in the throws of a loving emotion. Because then he is in the throws of all sort of disruptive stuff that will cloud the mind and the judgement, and you will be not be in the best mood to deal with it, either - all your insecurities will be firing, and you will just be wanting to yell "STOP!!!!".

No, try to talk with him now about it - try to work with him at what your boundaries might be, should it happen. It's hard to tell beforehand how it will feel, but coming up with some sort of ideas and formalizing them (usually writing them down somewhere is good) may well help you a lot if the time ever comes.

And if that time never comes, then at least the two of you will have a better understanding of each other.

Originally Posted by nurseypoo1 View Post
My biggest fear is that he will fall out of love with me. That's the only thing that worries me i think.
This is one of those things that poly folk get frustrated hearing - because if you are poly, then falling in love with someone else in no way affects how you feel for others in your life. One doesn't replace the other in your heart - they add to things. Love isn't pie - someone else getting a piece doesn't mean you get any less.

This idea is one of the most difficult for mono people trying to get into the mindset of polyfolk to understand and truly embrace, because it just doesn't not compute.

Originally Posted by nurseypoo1 View Post
Im not saying i will not accept feelings. Im just not ready for it yet.
OK, then you need to understand what it's going to take to get you to the point where you are ready. Because without that element, it might possibly feel like you are just trying to put it off indefinitely. Work with him on it.
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
Reply With Quote