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Old 12-15-2009, 07:17 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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I agree with everyone on this. I thinks calicowgirl voiced what I think the most though in that all of you should sit down and clarify what he wants for boundaries. That way you can get it straight from him. Who knows what got lost in translation.
If anything you could also tell him how you see a double standard in his boundaries and let him know how it affects all of you. It sounds like he is apprehensive about her finding someone new and getting controlling because of it. Perhaps there is a way to ease his mind if you were to all ask him what his concerns are. It could be that he wants to be okay with it all and is in the moment but then becomes overwhelmed and pulls her back.

She is not a puppet and that is not okay, but what WOULD work when he is feeling like that? To me it sounds like she needs to be a bit more firm in a loving way with him about her own boundaries. A little reassurance could go along way. Especially coming from her.

I tend to be similar to this guy. Pushing him up against a wall and telling him he is a "control freak" is not going to be helpful if you want this woman in your life. A little compassion would go along way. When I feel like that its because I feel out of control and the situation is too big for me. Usually some reassurance and kind words of understanding go along way as I want others to be happy, I just struggle to get there myself sometimes within that.
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