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Old 10-09-2012, 09:32 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,167
Default "needing to find someone"

I've been running across a repeating theme. Maca has this "need" to find someone else because he feels "left out". I find this ULTRA unattractive.

To clarify, I don't find it unattractive when he dates other women. In fact, I immensely enjoyed watching he and E when they were being lovey-dovey, playful, teasing, sexual etc.

I find the need to have someone *anyone* instead of "no one" (which is an oxymoron anyway as he does have me) unattractive.
It's needy, it's whiny, it's desperate and it reeks to me of all that I don't find attractive in people (men or women).

I've also noticed a number of guys in various poly groups I am in talking about how hard it is to find *another* woman.

The irony I see is that they tend to say many of the same things as Maca and here I am a theoretically potentially available poly-woman and frankly-YUCK YUCK YUCK!

I don't want to date ANYONE who is so desperate that they will take ANYONE who shows them a modicum of attention and interest.

I want to date people who are truly attracted to me as a person, who are interested in me as an individual. I don't want to date people who have a space in their calendar that they aren't creative enough to fill in on their own.

To me that screams of emotional problems, unresolved baggage, psychological problems and a guarantee that once involved I will be dealing with drama and headaches because I will be dealing with another immature, needy, emotionally dependent brat....

So, my question is-what are others thoughts on how needing anyone affects other people's perception of you?
Are you revolted by people who are looking for a partner versus people who are just out to enjoy life and see finding a partner as a nice side effect?
Do you encounter this?
Does it bother you?
If you feel repulsed by this, and your partner behaved this way in seeking another partner, what would your reaction me?
Have you been like this and overcome it? If so, how?


My personal blog is filled today with posts from others on this topic-because I am struggling with how to even rebuild my relationship with Maca (story here
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=28151
and p.30 and later here http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6352)
when the attitude he has completely disgusts me and gives me shivers of revulsion.
Also, I know it is easier to find other women who are comfortable if they can meet me, because of the need for direct communication and their abillity to ascertain that I really am ok with poly. BUT-I don't want to lie to anyone and say "he's this that or the other great thing" when what I'm thinking is "OMG RUN-he just wants you to fill a gap in himself because he's unwilling to work on his own emotional shit!"
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