With her in particular
because of the history (they broke boundaries and she got all bent out of shape over my not being enough of a "hostess" while she was here);
She claims to want to spend time with the whole family
I said that I needed her to understand that
A) as "just friends" (which is what they supposedly are) kissing and sex are off limits.
[they were making out in our kitchen in front of our guests and children]
B)I am not a hostess. I'm not going to be but it's not a personal slight against HER-I don't do those things for ANYONE.
C)if she wants to participate in our family she can't continue talking smack about me [that is addressed in this thread:http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=28151]
HE may have other things HE wants to address with her. All I wanted was for her to understand that talking smack about me isn't going to be acceptable if she wants our families to socialize together, I'm not going to cater to her personally while she's in my home, her definition of friends [which she stated to me specifically] is fine for OTHER friends of hers, but kissing and making out isn't something we do with friends.
She has no idea how simple it could be. Because she's afraid to even chance having a conversation with me.
I really don't see any of it being functionally possible at this point. Nor do I see either of them making the effort to do the self-inventory and take personal responsibility for the damage they are individually causing themselves and the rest of us to make it feasible to go anywhere with being friends. Thus-I think it would be pointless to go over any of this with her NOW.