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Old 10-09-2012, 09:13 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510
Default 10/8 non-negotiable,

The ultimatum has been dropped by me-as of last night when the discussion happened.
I laid it out as

this is non-negotiable.

I compared it to BDSM.
There is no room for play until negotiations of soft and hard limits has been established AND AGREED TO.

These boundaries are the soft/hard limits of our polydynamic. No agreement to them-no play. PERIOD.

He is devastated.
But-he understands BDSM negotiation well and agreed that it did make sense.

He also clearly grasped that the "it's too complicated" crap was CRAP after I gave the examples regarding the fact that EVERYONE has boundaries and limits-even singles and monos.
MOST don't state them and thus end up ruining relationships with unnecessary toe stomping-but the boundaries and limits exist none-the-less.

Everyone has time constraints, everyone has financial limitations, everyone has safer sex limitations (even if their limit is a free for all-that is their limit), etc.

Asking that someone be AWARE of ours before playing on our game board isn't "too complicated" it's actually respectful and considerate of THEM. I elaborated here:
Ironically-where things stand, I am still stuck.
I have no way of knowing if they are in contact, unless he tells me (or I go searching which I don't have time, energy or interest in doing).
But-trusting him is out too-because he's proven himself untrustworthy and nothing significant has happened to prove otherwise in the week since.

In point of fact-they were continuing to talk yesterday and there has been no forward progress.

I am now at the point of believing that in order for OUR relationship and OUR family to heal from the insanity of HIS out of control wishy-washy behavior, triggered by his desperation to cling to her-

He needs to look at himself and see that the emotional toll "chasing her" is taking on him is damaging him AND HIS WHOLE LIFE-including work, physical health, emotional health, mental stability and his family.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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