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Old 10-09-2012, 09:08 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Default 10/8-his focus remains on her and I needing to get along

Quote:
Maca and I talked some last night.
Things remain unresolved with the other girl.
She is struggling to accept that the reason for the boundaries we have aren't "just to protect LR" but in fact those boundaries were created to protect Maca and that as the CURRENT boundaries stand-they are what WE BOTH want for our dynamic.

He reiterated his need for her to sit down with both of us and go over things. She wanted to know what I wanted to talk to her about (as if it remains just ME).
He told her we need to discuss the boundaries, time constraints, expectations.
Her response was that it is all "too complicated".
I am disgusted with her response and attitude and I am disgusted and resentful over his continuing to prioritize finding a solution with her-whilst he's destroying everything between us.

Quote:
"too complicated"

While I understand that there are people who like the freedom of being able to come and go as they please-and I respect that FOR THEM-

I find it INCREASINGLY irritating that people can't fathom that this is UNREALISTIC in my life.

I pointed out to Maca last night-in response to this comment from the other girl-

Even as a single man after his divorce:

He had a time limit, becuase he had a 2 year old at home and was a single dad. He DID NOT HAVE TO TELL the people he dated that was WHY his time was limited-
but it didn't change the fact THAT his time was limited.

He didn't have to tell that his $$ was limited-but it remained limited.

There WERE boundaries in his life-even as a single man-and while people he dated didn't necessarily have to be told WHY any given boundary existed-they did run into those boundaries.

So it's NOT "more complicated" that we have boundaries now.
We had them when we were single.
We have them now as married's.

We will ALWAYS have them-even if we divorce.

What may change is the specifics of those boundaries and/or the reasons for them.

The truth is that asking to be able to STATE what our limits are for what we can offer someone is actually a KINDNESS and a sign of respect for THEM.

The other option, is what he and she have done for the last year; which is to NOT state those limits clearly, so that she continuously finds herself hurt and upset AND hurting and upsetting him and/or I and/or GG and/or the kids
BECAUSE SHE HAS NO CLUE WHERE THE BOUNDARIES ARE and so she inadvertently steps on them.
Ouch. How disrespectful to ask someone to play a game with you and then not tell them the rules until after they break them! Talk about setting them up for failure.

Her ideology that it is "too complicated" could be restated as
"I prefer to find out the hard way what the rules of the game are."
or
"I enjoy the pain and misery I suffer and I cause by continuously breaking rules I have no intention of learning about."

I find this... disturbing.
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