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Old 10-09-2012, 07:00 PM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by Stevenjaguar View Post
@ SchroedingersCat: While it’s good that you have a forum to explore your feelings and It’s a bit of a puzzle to me why you’re seeking advice on a polyamory site.
Here's a typical example from our relationship:

Last year, we met a friend-of-a-friend who was on the rebound. After a night at the bar, and knowing we are non-monogamous, she asked me if I would mind her inviting my husband to come home with her. I encouraged it. I knew it would be exciting for my husband. It didn't even occur to me to worry that she could develop feelings for him. She was just a casual acquaintance and her heart was not really my concern.

The reason I needed advice is that this whole situation was completely unlike anything I'd experienced before. It's related to this forum because of my friend's potential to develop feelings for my husband. Anyone in a swinger forum would say "There could be feelings?! Don't do it!" People in a polyamory forum are better equipped to look at it from both sides and provide rational, non-judgmental advice.

Originally Posted by Stevenjaguar View Post
You’re not polyamorous and it’s clear that you husband’s not either, nor are you down for it if he were.
I would be overjoyed if my husband were such an emotional person that he was capable of loving more than one person. But he himself has said he is not. In fact, every single time we have to work through a difficult spot in our marriage, he questions whether he's even strong enough for this one romantic relationship. So I work with what I've got.

Originally Posted by Stevenjaguar View Post
By your statements you’re suspicious of his lying to you by omission and you’re suspicious of her lying to you to “tell you what you want to hear”.
Who wouldn't be? I'm afraid I don't understand the point you're trying to make, please clarify.

Originally Posted by Stevenjaguar View Post
In the beginning implied that you’re okay with his having your friend for a FWB as long as she doesn’t love him, yet you’re afraid of what will happen if they have sex.

How this is different from simple jealousy in a monogamous marriage?
Monogamous jealousy usually stems from a fear of losing your partner. There's nothing simple about it. My fear was of my best friend getting even more heartbroken than she already was. That has nothing to do with jealousy or monogamy, and everything to do with not wanting to see loved ones get hurt, especially if you can help it.

Originally Posted by Stevenjaguar View Post
While you’re deserving of all the respect, generosity and empathy that any human being is, and it’s good that you can talk to people on here about your feelings it may be more effective to deal with your feelings another way.

Now I expect you have may some angry things to say to me, so let fly.
You amuse me. I don't allow my emotions to be governed by strangers on the internet. However, your deliberate attempt to incite such a reaction comes dangerously close to violating this forum's guidelines regarding trolling. I understand that I may have offended you with my response to your terrible advice in another thread, and I apologized for my brash words there. However this is not a constructive way to deal with your own anger.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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