Hi, Redpepper, and thanks for your insights. I've read quite a few of Mono's posts with great interest.
My partner does know that I'm considering dating and is encouraging me to do so. I do have some concerns that he'd like me to be non-monogamous because it will validate his own polyamory in some way. (He was monogamous until a few years ago and sometimes has a little bit of the fervor of the recently converted, almost as if he's still trying to convince himself that he's on the right path.) He says he's turned on by the idea of me having sex with other men, but I'm less sure he's prepared for what might happen if I also come to love another partner.
As far as why he sees me as primary, he says I'm the person he wants to spend the majority of his time with, the person he wants to come home to, the person he wants to build a life with over the long haul (and I feel the same way about him). But a little part of me wonders if there's more to it than that. Why seek out kinky/poly partners but then fall head over heels in love and pursue a primary relationship with an almost comically vanilla mono person? Is there something about my love for him and only him that's meeting an unacknowledged need or preference? And will his feelings for me change if I get emotionally involved with someone else?
Last edited by paraselene; 10-09-2012 at 05:57 PM.