Thread: Hi everyone! :)
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Old 10-09-2012, 01:29 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,892

Hello and Welcome to the forum!

Originally Posted by Kanobi View Post
...not new to polyamory. I'm married. Realizing we both needed something different, we went from monogamy to an open relationship. Then realizing it is an emotional connection and love we truly need, more than just sex, we switched to being polyamorous. It has strengthened our relationship and brought us closer. Monogamy is not for us.
It sounds as though you both have given serious thought and discussion to what you want out of life and figured out what steps are right for you to get there. (As opposed to a fairly common scenario where people find their way to polyamory by finding themselves, unprepared, in a "situation" and then fighting an uphill battle to figure out how they got there and what it means.)

How long did it take the two of you to come to these realizations and make these transitions? Was it harder for one of you than the other? Where there any "Aha!" moments where you had a spurt of insight that helped shift your perspective? -- I ask these things because there are others here, like you, who are actively "transitioning" from monogamy (or open, or swinging) to poly and hearing from someone who has been through the experience can be helpful.

Originally Posted by Kanobi View Post
We have had serious poly relationships with a third a few times and its been great...
I'm glad you have had positive experiences. How long did these relationships last? What was the reason for their ending? What did you learn from these experiences (about yourself, about relationships)? -- again, I'm asking because a lot of people come here seeking help with their early forays into poly, hearing about other people's experiences can help them avoid common pitfalls. The other burning question, I'm sure, in a the minds of "couples seeking x" is: Where did you find your third person to have these relationships with?

Originally Posted by Kanobi View Post
...just haven't found our true soul-mate yet.
Me, I'm not to into the "soul-mate" idea. I think that there are many, many people in this that I would be able to have a meaningful, satisfying relationship with (even given the fact that I am an introvert and don't like that many people to start with). Now, whether I ever meet these people, or we are both in a position to explore the possibility when we DO meet, is a whole nother ballgame.

When I do find them, I find that my best strategy is to sit back and let the relationship develop without expectation. Perhaps this relationship is destined to be a lifelong friendship-with-periods-of-benefits. Perhaps it is meant to be a deeply intense and passionate relationship - but temporary. Perhaps it will develop into a life-long commitment. Who knows? All of these relationships can be meaningful and satisfactory in their own way.

It sounds, since you are speaking for the two of you, that you are "looking for" a "soul-mate" for the two of you as a couple. Have you explored the possibility of each of you finding another "soul-mate" of your own?

Originally Posted by Kanobi View Post
I'm a Biologist and I'm lactose intolerant. I joined because it would be nice to talk openly and not be seen as odd for who I am (the polyamory part, not the scientist part ). Kanobi
Well, some people might see the "scientist" part as odd too! Joking - but glad to have another science-type aboard. My undergrad degree was in Biology - what are your areas of interest? My undergrad research was in molecular biology years and years ago, but my academic focus was vertebrate physiology.


PS. I asked a lot of questions here in response to your intro - you are, by no means, obligated to answer ANY of them. These are just the type of questions that come to my mind when I am meeting someone new for the first time.
JaneQ(Me): poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (25+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (7+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, ex-FWBs to SLeW, friends with MrS
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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