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Old 10-09-2012, 03:28 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by paraselene View Post
SchrodingersCat: Thanks for the reassuring words. How to get my needs met in other ways, though, is a huge question mark for me. I suspect that taking up horseback riding or climbing Mount Everest is not going to do it - it's the intimacy my partner shares with others that makes our relationship feel lopsided to me.
It doesn't just "feel" lopsided, it is lopsided. Only you can decide whether you're truly comfortable with that. Sure, from a logical point, polyamory might "make sense." But that doesn't make it right for everyone.

I personally feel that polyamory works best when each relationship would be capable of standing on its own two feet, with all other partners out of the picture. Each relationship should, as much as possible, meet all your needs, all by itself. It's not like Meal Planning, where you have a steak to meet your protein needs, steamed peas to meet your vegetable needs, and baked potatoes to meet your carbs needs. Every relationship should be like shepard's pie, with the meat, peas, and potatoes all in one dish. Now, some pies might have more meat and fewer peas, others might have more potatoes, and someone else might even through some carrots in the pie, which you don't really need but discover you really like. But none of the dishes should be completely void of an entire food group.

I also feel that even in monogamy, you shouldn't have to be everything to your partner all the time. Every person needs to be responsible for having their own needs met. It's unfair to put that burden on anyone else, even your spouse. The only exception is children, who need their parents and community as they learn to grow into self-sufficient, healthy, happy adults.

I'm not so sure that polyamory keeps your relationships fresh. If anything, it allows you to fall into the "their grass is greener" trap. When you're in two long term relationships, things can get just as old as when you're in one. Polyamory doesn't inherently mean you're always dating someone new, even though it's an option. What it does mean is that you'll have to double the amount of hard work, every time you add someone to your life. If it's not something you truly desire, than it's a lot of work for not a lot of gain.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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