Yeah. As I write it out I realize most things have been liquor influenced, not just between me and them.
As far as being on my own, no I haven't really. Not successfully.
This is the answer I was expecting though. I'm not going to try to write it off because it's glaring. You're probably right.
I fully accept that he cheated on me, and I'll be the first to admit that it was his suggestion to open our relationship only after I found out. I fucked up the part where I got to have my say, which was early on when I could have made the decision to go, by being stupid and desperate and wanting to stay together. I still feel like I want to stay together but I get more bitter every time he does something that hurts me. I've told him what bothers me specifically (or tried to) but he says I'm petty and being unsupportive, I agreed to open the relationship, going back on my word, etc.. It's not his fault I get jealous and defensive. We have problems that predate MT.
Last week I didn't want to leave him, I don't want to break up if this is just a bump we could fix. Not just because I don't want to be alone but because I love him and I'd even like to go back to before this summer when we just argued about insignificant nothing.
I think Finch and Pigeon have their issues but yeah it makes sense I suppose, to be jealous of their relationship too.
30 is so old.
The end of relationships hurts so much, why would you want so many? I know I've heard it before though, that it's better to date around. But I also heard it takes more than a few years to know who you're with, really. If I had a minimum of three more relationships, that lasted 3+ years each, I'd be grey before it was over, and it seems like such a setback to spend time alone. Anyway, maybe I'm too stupid to get along without someone.