Thread: Just LR
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Old 10-09-2012, 01:40 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I have to just say, I do understand a bit abut the gf's resistance and her saying "it's too complicated." To me, it's not really about her age (thoughit may be about her experience - or lack thereof - with relationships), but simply about the choice between a high-maintenance relationship or a low-maintenance one. Obviously someone who has a spouse and several children will likely be more high-maintenance than someone single. Add to that a poly dynamic with a comprehensive list of rules, such as you have, LR, of course it's freaking complicated! I think I would say the same thing she did. It would be far too complicated for me. But then... knowing that, I WOULD WALK AWAY.

The problem is that she says "it's too complicated," but does nothing. She still expects Maca to be with her anyway. She still wants it, even though it's too complicated for her to be involved with him because she doesn't want your boundaries to affect her. What she should do is stop getting his hopes up and say goodbye instead of trying to ride it in the middle and still keep stringing Maca along as if she is going to abide by the rules, when she clearly doesn't wish to. I feel for him, but I hope he doesn't misdirect his resentment at you (because I do have a feeling he will grow resentful about it), when she is the one who is not playing fairly by wanting to eat her cake and have it too, and he is just being too desperate to see that.
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 10-09-2012 at 01:45 AM.
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