Thread: gf problem?
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Old 10-09-2012, 01:19 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
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Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
At this point, the quickest route to recovery might be for you to take the bull by the horns and tell her you can't be in a relationship where your romantic love is not returned. At that point, you need to decide if you can still be friends with her, possibly after a cool-down period. Letting her use your love to fulfill her friendship needs is not being fair to yourself.
I agree that you it may be in your best interest to be proactive as far as making a choice, instead of just asking and talking and hoping for the answer you want. The magnanimous thing to do might be to step back and encourage G and J to grow their relationship and not add pressure on J to fulfill any role for you. Just be her friend, and his lover/partner. But I would say also that you need to come to terms with whether you can handle G and J being involved sexually/romantically while you and J remain friends only.

AND you know -- you can look for another partner for yourself, that G wouldn't also be with, too!

Originally Posted by jones View Post
she says she loves me but sees me as her best mate.
Hmm, is that really such a bad thing, though? How blessed you are that you are loved! Perhaps your mistake is trying to fit that love into a certain kind of box that it shouldn't be in.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 10-09-2012 at 01:25 AM.
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