The ultimatum has been dropped by me-as of last night when the discussion happened.
I laid it out as
this is non-negotiable.
I compared it to BDSM.
There is no room for play until negotiations of soft and hard limits has been established AND AGREED TO.
These boundaries are the soft/hard limits of our polydynamic. No agreement to them-no play. PERIOD.
He is devastated.
But-he understands BDSM negotiation well and agreed that it did make sense.
He also clearly grasped that the "it's too complicated" crap was CRAP after I gave the examples regarding the fact that EVERYONE has boundaries and limits-even singles and monos.
MOST don't state them and thus end up ruining relationships with unnecessary toe stomping-but the boundaries and limits exist none-the-less.
Everyone has time constraints, everyone has financial limitations, everyone has safer sex limitations (even if their limit is a free for all-that is their limit), etc.
Asking that someone be AWARE of ours before playing on our game board isn't "too complicated" it's actually respectful and considerate of THEM. I elaborated here: