I am confused by possible euphamistic language. Please clarify.
Are you meaning to say this:
I do not want to take on a lover just to even the score with R since he has other secondary lovers. But I feel left out and envious when he's off with his other lovers and I am left with friends. I have not got another lover.
I've never tried having two lovers at the same time, so I don't actually know if I'm capable of it. (In what capacity? Mentally? Emotionally? Physically? Spiritually? Some combo? Something else?)
It seems important for both me and R to find out if I'm always going to be a mono in a poly relationship, or if I can thrive as an actively poly person.
WHY is it important? To who? What is wrong with being a thriving monoamorous person in a polyship with a polyamorous person? What are you needing to thrive?
(Do you even mean THAT mono when you abbreviate? Do you mean monoamorous? Monogamous? What about poly? Do you mean polyamorous? Polysexual? Polyfidelitous? Please write it all the way out.)
Are we talking about love, sex, or BOTH? I am so confused.