Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe
Based on reading multiple posts here I would say that it is VERY common.
The "equilateral triangle" ideal that many people starting out with poly are looking for is, I have observed, not very common. Many people struggle with this as their triangle turns into a Vee or lopsided triangle because they feel that the "only" way things are "supposed" to work is if everything is equal.
BUT every relationship is different, because people are all different. Relationships grow and develop (or don't) at different paces. And that is OK. Instead of focusing on their relationship and what is (or is not happening) it might be helpful to put your energy into looking at your relationships with each of them and see if you are getting (and giving) your needs and wants met (and likewise for them) within the confines of THAT relationship. It is up to them to work on getting their needs and wants met in their relationship.
when I look at my relationship with J I was truly happy, that relationship has sort of fallen apart and not just mine and j's but our threeway relationship and her's with G.
she does text him telling him she misses him but if I text her saying I miss her all I get is'' your are so sweet'' or no reply but only once in a full moon do I get a miss you back.
I love her dearly but I wish I could explore the sexually side of the relationship but if I text her something with that natural she ignores it but if my oh does it, she will do it back, telling him all the time how good the sex is etc, makes me feel when we do have sex it isn't as good as him.
I know I should look at our relationship and see if I am happy with how it is going and not look at her relationship with my oh or anyone else she is seeing but its hard.