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Old 10-08-2012, 03:01 AM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
Taking all of the above into consideration, the only reason that I can see for "coming out" publicly would be so that I could become some sort of "poly activist" - I would have to weigh my desire to do so against the effect that it would have on my/our parents/extended families. (Once my career is no longer at stake, I don't give two shits what "the world at large" thinks of me.)
I similarly have no big desire to be out publicly, but right now I HATE that I am lying to my parents and my children. I keep telling myself, "Once we live together and there's solid evidence that my marriage and my kids are FINE, then telling my mom will be worth the upset that will occur. I can wait, it's okay, there's no rush." But it kills me that I can't talk to her about TGIB at the level I would like to, and I wonder if I'm doing something similar to a cheater where I'm telling myself excuses in order to make things "easier". I know I will tell her eventually, because once my kids are old enough to explain things to I won't lie to them, and I won't put them in a position to have to lie to their grandparents, but I still struggle with timing- is waiting going to make it worse in the long run? Am I trying too hard to justify not telling her now?

Actually, my biggest fear comes from what happens when Dude decides to start dating again (he's been pretty caught up with his NRE for me/us and hasn't seen anyone new since he moved in.) He says that anyone he dates would have to be okay with him continuing to see me (although the shape of our relationship might/will change) - but I worry about what happens when they argue and she threatens to "out" us. (I hope this is paranoia talking - his last GF, CrazyGirl, is seriously nuts, knows that we are somehow 'involved', partially blames me for their last break-up, and STILL hasn't tried to ruin our lives...)
THIS. I've already had a conversation with TGIB about, "Please don't tell your unstable ex any more than she needs to know about me and my kids." She hasn't threatened his parental rights in a while, which is good, but I still worry about the damage she could do to me and my family if she chose to. Then you add in the possibility of someone new, and...yeah. Like you say, hopefully paranoia.
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
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