Belatedly I say welcome to our site. It sounds like you have been through a lot of ups and downs, and have much to contemplate as you ask yourself whether polyamory is right for you.
I would encourage you to be patient, and to not try to push anything in the direction of "the way it's supposed to be" with your wife. You've been through a rough patch together; you need time to contemplate and to pick up the pieces.
If you read other people's stories here, you'll see that you're not alone in many areas. Polyamory isn't always something people can be "out" about. I myself have to be "in the closet" for the most part. It's understandable given society's low acceptance level.
If polyamory is an important part of who you are, you'll have to decide how to navigate that in the relationships you have. It's not realistic to "pretend everything's okay" when it isn't.
I hope Polyamory.com is of some help to you.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"