Originally Posted by WhatHappened
You cannot learn to trust. He must prove himself trustworthy, and since he's not here on the forum asking how he can do that, there's possibly nothing you can do but realize he doesn't have much interest in becoming trustworthy.
I have been through this, and finally learned that some people's only interest, after being caught in yet another lie, is how they can learn to lie better. Sad but true.
Thanks for the response WhatHappened. You make a great point... I've shown him this thread - by sitting him in front of my computer and telling him to read it. At this point we are split up but I think I'm going to ask him to sit and read the thread again with all the additional comments.
Originally Posted by Stevenjaguar
I recommend a 3-way conversation. Not to place blame or vent, but to establish ground rules that she agrees on, too. In front of you. In my relationship, it never would have worked if I didn't know, respect, and like my fiancee's girlfriend. I think unless you can develop that kind of openness and trust among the three of you, it's not going to work.
D was and still is a good friend - it wasn't that she didn't agree to the ground rules, but I think she followed his lead. This was her first foray into the world of poly and she's decided that it just isn't for her. She told me the truth even though it did make her uncomfortable and I respect her for that. Trust is extremely important, as well as respect and courtesy too.