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Old 10-07-2012, 07:01 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by idealist View Post
I had a "best friend" like that for many years. I considered her 'like a sister" and I was the friend that was "always there for her". All of her other friends and family admired me for being so loyal. However- I finally realized that she was wreaking havoc in my life. I had to admit that I had outgrown her and that she was so dysfunctional and self centered that she was not really contributing anything to our friendship or to me. In fact, she began to sabotage my primary relationship and that is when I had my wake-up call. I had become her rescuer. It was one sided and had been for a while. I ended the relationship. I still think of her and I miss her, but I do not regret ended the friendship. I have moved on and I have made new friends with healthier people who respect me.
It doesn't sound like your friend is anything like my friend, but I can understand how you would get that impression since this thread only focused on her negative traits that were relevant to this situation. I didn't mention anything about how she's always been there for me when I needed someone to vent to or a shoulder to cry on, or just to shoot the shit. She has never once judged me for anything, which is more than I can say for pretty much anyone I know. She's not self-centred at all. If anything, she's guilty of putting other people's needs before her own. Even though she's dirt poor, she never hesitates to share what she does have when I visit. She supported me this August when I was in turmoil about whether to do my Master's, and offered to let me stay with her if I needed to move back to Winnipeg, and even to take care of my cats while I found a place to live. Bottom line, I certainly do not feel used or taken advantage of by her.

I don't look at friendships as business transactions. It's not all about me, or what you can do for me, or whether you're doing as much for me as I'm doing for you. There's give and take. At that point in her life, she needed to take a little more because she was going through hard times. I've had rough times in my life where I've leaned on her a little more. It all comes out in the wash. Assuming it goes both ways, you don't walk out on your friends when they need you most. Now, if all they ever do is need you, that's different. You did the right thing for your situation, absolutely.

She's by no means wreaking havoc on my life. There was this one little blip where something was contemplated and decided against. That happened within a week of my initial post, way back in June... The rest has basically been discussion about her situation in general and my motivation for behaving the way I did.

Sure, she's not perfect. Who is? And how boring would that be? But really, this is the biggest conflict we've had in 14 years of friendship, and it was resolved in a week with no hard feelings from anyone. Not exactly what I consider a toxic relationship.

Someone asked me earlier why we're friends, and I had a wibbly wobbly answer. My husband asks me, why do I love him? Both remind me of something I read the other day: "If you can answer 'why' then it's not love, it's like."

Originally Posted by happinesswins View Post
I feared that he was risking exactly this by entering into this arrangement, could be his "price of admission "! Your girlfriend entering into this arrangement could have her feelings hurt , her "price of admission "!
Did you actually watch the video? "Price of admission" refers to the irritating little things you're willing to put up with in a relationship, in exchange for being with someone you love. E.g. my husband never puts his wash cloths in the hamper. I used to harp on him about it, now I just throw them in the hamper. It's faster than waiting for him to do it, and less stressful for both of us. Putting my husband's dirty wash cloths in the hamper is a "price of admission" that I pay for being with him. No one's perfect, you have to take the bad with the good. Risking your marriage or having your heart broken is hardly a "price of admission."
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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