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Old 10-07-2012, 03:55 AM
happinesswins happinesswins is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Victoria , Australia.
Posts: 11
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S.cat.....Thank you for your reply . Nice to get the details from your situation. I do understand your husband is not ployamorous, just enjoys the sex and wants to help a friend.I like your bug analogy.If she likes bugs ( at least wont squish them ) i wouldn't encourage that she take him along . I said your husband wasn't poly. I got that from your post . I get that he doesn't follow poly guidelines .I can see that he doesn't want to develop feelings with your friend and that you are both worried that she may , and that he cant mirror those. I too have a husband that works long hard hours , 2 states away, and barely has time to scratch, let alone spend enough time with us.I would not recommend that you husband "spreads " himself any "thinner ". ( a problem that none of you need ) There will always be a chance that people ( anyone ) could develop feelings for someone if they spend time together , let alone have an intimate or sexual relationship.No one is completely resistant to this , some sort of bond will usually form .( even clients fall for prostitutes and this starts as a business arrangement ) . This bond usually requires some nurturing and attention in order to keep the person with the feelings content.Sometimes the other party has no interest in doing this, therefore one or both end up hurt. Your husband expressed that he has no intention of dealing with another womans emotions, he is a smart man , i think he has enough to deal with by the sound of it . I feared that he was risking exactly this by entering into this arrangement, could be his "price of admission "! Your girlfriend entering into this arrangement could have her feelings hurt , her "price of admission "! No i wouldn't suggest my girlfriend have sex with a guy who just wants sex ( knowing her state and her likelihood of developing feelings ) This puts her at risk . Now its your husband , brother or friend , someone you know and trust , who listens to you and your concerns,that's now considering taking the place of the guy ( who just wants sex ). You discuss everything at the start and do your best to organize a situation that protect him and her and you.Great.........Now .. you know she is likely to develop feelings ( in her state) and the man you have set her up with ( safe and caring ) is NOT emotionally available ( any further than he was prior ).Yes he is her friend and is trustworthy, but he's not really any different than the other guy ??Neither wants to attach emotionally with her . The SEX guy may not even be her friend , you husband or brother etc will be , but aren't they that already ? The fear of her getting hurt is still the same .Only this time she could be hurt by someone who actually does care about her. Isn't this harder to deal with later ? I think you make a much better friend than match maker and she will benefit much more from your support if things go wrong, if you are more removed from the HURT.Your husband , brother or whoever,can also better support her if they aren't the ones hurting her. She needs all her friends doesn't she ? It seems inevitable that she will be hurt unless she invests her time and energy ( including sexual ) into people that are emotionally available and can return her feelings. There are no guarantees she wont still get hurt,but at least there is the possibility of a future ?I never thought that your Polyness was relevant in this situation , your concern for your friends well-being is ! TO IDEALIST .. your post is a perfect example of how our best intentions can blow up in our face . Thanks for your input ....
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