Originally Posted by GalaGirl
She tells him the night of 10/01. It is only 10/5. It is Big News, and he could be emotionally flooded.
Guys really do seem to shut down when flooded.
I would not make a rash decision about ending a marriage in a mere 4 days.
It doesn't sound like she's making a rash decision. It sounds like she's been falling out of love with him for a long time, and has reached a point where she feels the marriage cannot be salvaged. She was "on the brink of calling it quits" before she ever told him about the romance.
I get where she's coming from. My husband works out of town and it's been getting really hard over the past year, as his work hours have been steadily increasing, while decreasing his time for me. It hasn't always been like that, and I've been telling him for months that if he doesn't change his work patterns, more like when we were first married, then it will wear down our marriage. We simply haven't have enough time to deal with the day to day business of a marriage, let alone the emotional requirements. This weekend, we hit an apex. We finally got through to each other about what the other has been neglecting. Already this week, there have been tremendous changes and things are looking up.
The difference is, we caught it before it was too late. We hadn't yet reached a point where we'd started falling out of love. I could just see that IF we kept down that road, THEN we would start falling out of love, to cope with the pain of feeling neglected.
I've had other relationships in the past where I was falling out of love and spending a lot of time thinking about breaking up. For me, it was never possible to go back after that. Once you get it in your head that your relationship is over, it's nearly impossible to change your mind. At least, that's how it is for me, and I'm guessing that's how it is for this other woman.
Then you add in the fact that he's not willing to seek counselling, and I don't blame her for feeling like he's not even trying to save the marriage.
PS I really like that article about emotional flooding. That's exactly what happens to my husband, and it will be useful for me to keep that in mind.