hi hun, I hope I can help out.
She gets jealous of me if I spend more time with D than she does and
almost has a fit of apoplexy if she thinks I’ve gotten more sex than her.
Never mind the fact that SHE almost always spends more time with D *AND*
has more sex with him than I do. She has no problem with the “inequity”
when she “wins”, but on those rare occasions when I “win”, she gets bent.
(And that’s happened maybe 5 or 6 times in TWO YEARS!)
with poly relationships everyone should look at their relationship as just them as the partner and do they get the emotional , sexual and loving needs out of that relationship, it is hard not to compare but you should never compare how d is with you and how different it is with her.
I think Ka’s jealously is also related to her trust issues. These are
due, in part, to baggage from her previous marriage, but also because
it’s part of her personality. So if she “feels” that D (or I) haven’t
told the truth (as she sees it, regardless of the facts), no matter what
he says or does, or what I say or do, or what proof we present, she reads
deception into his/my words or actions, when there is none. I do try to
be patient and understanding as she deals with her baggage. But, her
actions impact me.
the only thing you can do is so she can trust you both and she will get there when she is ready as hard as it is.
I get tired of “being on trial” when I’ve done nothing wrong. I don’t
lie to her (or Ki) and I won’t. I insist on honesty so I’m going to be
honest. And it gets so old when she’s pissy and complains about any
“extra” time I spend with D, which leads me to believe that she feels
entitled to that time. Then my hackles raise because she has no more
“right” to it than I do.
another issue on time, the problem with having more than one partner is sharing them equal, can you have one weekend each and share the other weekend as a foursome? have two days on week each maybe but set days every week or set weekends so noone feels left out and hopefully everyone will be happy.
How do I deal with her on-going issues to the extent that they affect me?
I know they are for her to work through and process and I tell myself
it’s her stuff, not mine and try to let roll off of me. That becomes
increasingly difficult when her stuff directly impacts me and my
relationship with D.
How can I respectfully convey my discomfort over her asking for personal
details of my time with D? And to make sure she knows that she does not
have a say in our private relationship?
have a 1on1 time with her alone so noone can put in their comments etc, talk though them point by point and try to find a way to work though them.
I would say what we all do with our private time is bewteen d and that person, if you don't have a say then neither should she or anyone else. xx