Oh, wow, WH - I can relate so-o-o-o much to what you wrote. You should read the last few pages on my blog (with my views preferences set at 40 posts per page, it would be the last one or two pages or so). I am not a secondary but I am involved with someone who only wants things casual and light, and most of the time that is perfect for me and just what I want as well. But then sometimes I struggle with wanting more or... something. I think it has alot to do with what we've been taught to expect from relationships. It takes some work to untangle what really makes us happy from all the conditioning laid on us our whole lives.
The world opens up... when you do.
Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein