Originally Posted by AnnabelMore
All I can share is my own story, which of course is personal and doesn't necessarily transfer over to your situation. That said, I've been dating a married woman for three years and I'm afraid that it does, indeed, look like loving someone who has a limited amount of time and energy for you. It can be really frustrating. You just have to figure out how to accept it and work with it. In some ways, it's a little like an LDR.
It's a funny life, and I too wonder at times where it's going. Will I build a primary partnership with someone else, maybe even get married, so that she and I have mirrored lives? Will I eventually find that I have to, for my own emotional well-being, make a bid for co-primary-hood with her husband? Will I stay in a secondary relationship with her and be involved also with one or more other secondaries, and only ever be my own primary?
A belated thank you, Annabel. I think I somehow missed this way back when you posted.
The last few days haven't been good. I posed a question to him about how much is too much...is it going to freak him out if he starts getting texts from me saying good morning and I'm thinking of him. I still feel at a loss as to this whole polyamory world and what my place is in his life and where this is going.
His answer was that there can't be too much, that there are no limits, that he can't care for me too much or get too many loving texts from me...then he laughed and said, "Unless you want to start having my babies or something." Maybe it sounds ridiculous to someone who is immersed in this lifestyle, but to me, I felt like I was being told, "There are no limits to how much we can love each other, as long as you don't start really
interfering with my life." Or maybe it was just the fact that clearly there are
limits, and it annoys me when people say there are no limits when obviously there are. Maybe it was the feeling of him not being entirely honest even with himself, in a sense, or the feeling of him ignoring the problems for me
with some intense love affair with a married man.
To be honest, I don't know half the time what I feel anymore. Yesterday, I was close to breaking up with him. I'm doing some reading tonight, and remembering the reasons I was perfectly happy with this situation. I like my alone time. I value my time with my kids. I'm not even a year out of a divorce and wasn't looking for a boyfriend anyway. I'm in no rush at all to have a man moving into my house. So I'm asking myself what I've been so upset about, the last few days.
I think it's partly that I'm in foreign territory and feeling very out of my element here. This is very unusual for me.
I think it's partly that he's so intense and into this, and me, that I almost don't know what to make of it. It makes me wonder what's really going on and if there's more going on that I don't know about.
I think it's partly that I fear
that one day I'm going to want more, and I don't want to get to that point of 'falling in love' and being that girlfriend crying over him.
It could be that there's just a lot of additional stress in my life with kids, their health issues, an alcoholic father, an ex-husband causing (minor but real) stress, and two jobs that has me deaing poorly with everything.