If you’re kinky, have you found that kink levels decrease as you get closer/cuddly/more emotionally intimate? Or is it more of a “wax and wane” over the course of time?
For us, it has definitely been more of a decrease than a wax & wane. I attribute that to the fact that I was literally going through a phase of exploring kink, and ultimately discovered that I could take it or leave it. He doesn't "need" it either, so he doesn't push. But our relationship has always been more emotional than sexual.
Is it often the case that when you meet new sexual partners you direct more extreme sexual behaviour towards them and away from the primary relationship?
I'm polyamorous, but my husband is polysexual, so I'll answer from his perspective. Whenever he meets new sexual partners, he actually directs more sexual energy to me than regularly. Again, our relationship isnt overly sexual to begin with, so when he does get fired up, he brings it home.
Does NRE with others generally lead to less sex between primaries?
For us, it actually has the opposite effect. I'm very conscientious not to neglect my existing partners when I meet someone new, and so when I'm on a "love high" I tend to spread it around to all my partners.
If you’re into BDSM play, do you have any restrictions on BDSM with others, or does everything go?
We have "safety" restrictions like gloves for fisting, but not in terms of restricted acts.
If you’re into D/S play, how do you manage this with having an extremely equal relationship in all other ways? Sometimes it’s hard for either of us to let the other take control because we’re so equal in all other arenas, and both extremely independent people… it’s almost like it’s easier with someone you’re not in such a close partnership with, I’m wondering if others can relate.
We really struggle with this, so I can relate. I'm sorta bossy, only child syndrome... But to convert that into sexual dominance really takes a lot of mental preparation. For me, it helps if I have a day to prepare and get myself in the mindset. My husband is much more spontaneous, so this is always a problem.
Do you get jealous if your primary does something sexually with another partner you crave and hasn’t happened in a while? Do you talk about it, and how do you do this without them feeling you’re pressuring them into a certain sex act? Or do you just tell yourself it's none of your business because every relationship is different, and you’re glad he’s having fun?
I almost want to say, "what's wrong with pressuring them?" but that sounds horrible, almost like rape. I guess what I'm thinking is, if this is an activity he enjoys and he's doing it with other people, then he'd better have a damned good reason for not doing it with you. I can't even think of any reasons that I would honestly accept. I'm one of those people who thinks you need to keep the home fires burning, first and foremost, before galavanting around. If he's doing something with someone, and you'd like to do it too, then I think it's perfectly acceptable to ask him why he's so reluctant to do it at home.
“As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.” —bisexualbaker