Can you imagine if people turned these ideals into literals? Walk into a bar, find a pretty girl, hand her a large steel box. Tell her she smells nice and ask if she would kindly step into the box so you can carry her away. How can some people think the figurative box of group marriage doesn't sound just as ridiculous?
Talk about a bird in the hand... Or throwing out the baby with the bath water.
It sounds like you're in what could be described as a primary relationship. I don't usually use those labels myself, but does it even make sense to talk about a "secondary" when you don't have a primary to be secondary to?
Here's another approach... Let's be realistic. It's almost guaranteed that he'll never find this utopian commune he's looking for. You know this, I know this, but he does not seem to know this. So is there any harm in telling him that you're not opposed to the idea if it happens, but that you don't want to lose what you already have now in exchange for something that could take years to find? Let him go searching for this ideal, while you carry on as you were, until eventually he realizes he's not going to find what he's looking for, and drops this nonsense.
It's kind of like when I fantasize things that start with "When I'm a Millionaire..." and my husband smiles, nods, and literally pats me on the head.
Gralson: my husband (works out of town).
Auto: my girlfriend (lives with her husband Zoffee).
The most dangerous phrase in the English language is "we've always done it this way."
Last edited by SchrodingersCat; 10-04-2012 at 08:39 PM.