I guess what I meant, Meera, was the idea that in a hierarchical arrangement, some folks set rules that there are certain sexual activities only allowed for primary partners and not with others. So, I suppose that is why they are asking what is going on with a secondary and in other relationships. But as a solo who prefers not to engage in a hierarchy, I can't imagine checking in to ask, "what did you do?" to keep tabs on them or to find out if a partner was doing something with someone else that he doesn't generally do with me. If I want to do something with someone I'll either initiate it or ask for it -- why worry if someone else is getting it? I don't want details unless it is for safer sex reasons or to get turned on in bed (if that is a dynamic I have with someone).
Oh and I forgot to answer this part in my last post:
Originally Posted by lolalondon
. . . don't others get worried about not being shiny new exciting fucktoy any more?
I don't want to be anyone's fucktoy, that term just gives me the creeps. What I do want is to remain important to someone in a relationship, and desired. What I don't want is to feel like I'm a low priority beneath someone else who comes first (that is my dislike of hierarchies showing), or that being with and making time for me is an afterthought.