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Old 10-04-2012, 07:41 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

I guess what I meant, Meera, was the idea that in a hierarchical arrangement, some folks set rules that there are certain sexual activities only allowed for primary partners and not with others. So, I suppose that is why they are asking what is going on with a secondary and in other relationships. But as a solo who prefers not to engage in a hierarchy, I can't imagine checking in to ask, "what did you do?" to keep tabs on them or to find out if a partner was doing something with someone else that he doesn't generally do with me. If I want to do something with someone I'll either initiate it or ask for it -- why worry if someone else is getting it? I don't want details unless it is for safer sex reasons or to get turned on in bed (if that is a dynamic I have with someone).

Oh and I forgot to answer this part in my last post:
Originally Posted by lolalondon View Post
. . . don't others get worried about not being shiny new exciting fucktoy any more?
I don't want to be anyone's fucktoy, that term just gives me the creeps. What I do want is to remain important to someone in a relationship, and desired. What I don't want is to feel like I'm a low priority beneath someone else who comes first (that is my dislike of hierarchies showing), or that being with and making time for me is an afterthought.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 10-04-2012 at 09:13 PM.
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