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Old 10-04-2012, 02:40 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,883
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I am sorry you are going through this.

If I were in your shoes? I would make a plain list for myself of his actions and my actions. So I will pretend from your post that I am the GF and he is my BF.
  • Trust is a huge issue for me, esp with E
  • My ex E and I break up over his lies
  • I get back together with my ex a few years later even though I knew he was a liar in the past
  • We try polyship with my friend D
  • We make and agree to boundaries (A lie in his words --while he agrees in WORDS ...)
  • They break the boundaries (... his ACTIONS do different. He does not follow through on promises.)
  • E lies to me about breaking said boundaries
  • When I catch him in the lies, he "comes clean" 4 times and each time I find there is more. (Lies in his words again. But a truth in his ACTION -- he does do lying behavior. And keeps ON lying. So he's a known consistent liar. This is not new -- I knew this already.)
  • I am numb.
  • He tries to blame shift responsibility for his behavior on to me (A truth hidden in his ACTIONS -- he does not want to own his bad behavior. He expect me to just deal with it. )
  • I don't feel that I should have to keep telling him what to do
  • I'm not seeing him taking any of the first steps to working on himself that he said he was going to do. (Another hidden truth in his ACTIONS -- he does not want to own his bad behavior. He expects me to just deal with it. He won't follow through on promises again.)
  • Watching him act like nothing has changed isn't working for me at all. (A truth in his ACTION -- he will not own his bad behavior. He is ok how he is. He expects me to just deal with it.)

His words may say different but his actions are speaking his truth loud and clear. His behaviors are:
  • He will not tell the truth to me.
  • He will not change his bad behavior to me.
  • He will not own his bad behavior to me.
  • He expects me to just deal with his bad behavior toward me.
  • He will not follow through on promises to me.

Conclusion: This is STILL not a man of his word, even on the second chance relationship.

Quote:
Is it even possible to rebuild trust after someone breaks it twice in the exact same way?
Maybe the question ought to be...
With the information that I know about E and his continual habits in HIS behavior... how can I change MY behavior to better protect my own self from future emotional damage dings? (Because I do and can control how I behave even if I cannot control how he behaves?)
  • Do I behave the same and continue to keep myself in the line of fire by staying in this relationship where I feel numb and upset?
  • Do I behave different and remove myself from the line of fire by removing myself from this relationship so I can be free of feeling numb and upset?
  • Which choice protects me from future emotional damage dings best?
If I wrote that out for myself like that? I would break up and remove myself from this situation.

I choose ME and my overall long term well being in my mental health, emotional health, physical health, and spiritual health.

I have to put my OWN oxygen mask on first. For sure my bf E isn't gonna!

So that is what I would do in your shoes and I was E's GF. I do not know if that helps you.

Again, I am VERY sorry you are going through this. It sucks. Do what you gotta to to get you to the Healing Place fastest.

GL!
GG

Last edited by GalaGirl; 10-04-2012 at 02:46 PM.
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