Thanks for the explanation. MeeraReed asked a very good question:
Originally Posted by MeeraReed
Why does he deliberately choose unstable, possessive, needy women?
The answer is because he is unstabe, possessive and needy himself, but in a different way than the women he finds are. A "compatible" way.
The two of you started a relationship with each other during a period of time when each of you were in a transition out of your then current relationship.
He wants to feel good about himself. He satisfies that need by finding women who need him. He looks for this neediness in other women, because it is the fuel that helps him feel good about himself. That means the woman's neediness is either one of a small number of things or the one thing that keeps him interested in the relationship.
You were attractive to him when you wanted out of your marriage, because your were seeking relief from your marriage. You were needy. That made you interesting to him. That was the "relationship fuel" he was looking for.
Now that you are more stable, you are no longer as interesting to him as you were when you were in transition out of your marriage. You are not as important to him as you used to be, because you don't offer him the neediness you used to. He needs that neediness to feel good about himself. He wants to feed the needy new girlfriend, because it gives him the high of feeling needed. It sounds like he is willing to sabotage his relationship with you to free up more of his time and attention, so he can give it to her. You enable all of this by accepting his lies, and trying to convince yourself and others that he is really a good guy.
Your boyfriend doesn't have relationships. He has transitions from one woman to another. These transitions take enough time that they look like relationships, but they are not.
It's time for you to look at who he is, instead of who he used to be or who you want him to be, and do what is best for you.