Hmm....where do I even start? Last week was the last week of classes, so it was hectic. I didn't get a whole lot of sleep in favor of studying...but I think it was an all together productive week.
J- was my partner for the oral exam we had today so we spend last night and this early afternoon practicing for it. Also, we spent a lot of time last night having some fun time...which I don't want to get into.
I guess the point is that J- was worried about what my husband thought. He told me today he didn't kiss me as much as he would have wanted to last night because he felt weird doing it in front of my husband. My husband doesn't mind...he even left us alone for a while because he wanted to just let us be alone ... but J- doesn't get that.
Also...with the girl he's 'seeing' he has made it pretty much clear that he isn't interested in being exclusive, which is good for me I guess. I guess she has had a wild side in the past and he feels a little put off that with him she suddenly wants to settle down and be exclusive and 'normal'. Also, I get the feeling that he's still trying to figure out what to do with he and I. I know he has feelings for me, but the situation gets in the way.
And yet, after our exam he still took me out to dinner as a good job reward and we went on a little adventure around town just talking. I enjoy being with him so much. Sometimes I want to just fuck pretense and kiss him in front of everyone we know, say yeah, something's going on. It's none of your damn business anyway, so get over it.
Yet everything else is coming into question with the rest of my life. I guess it's just part of the growing experience. Right now I'm not sure what is going to happen, but I think I need to take my own advice. Today when J- was telling me he was worried about being 'that guy' the one who stole another guy's wife (or something) and about what was going on with me and my husband...I just said don't worry about it. Just, don't worry about it. Really that's something that I have to worry about, not him. And for now, just take things as they come, enjoy the moment, and do whatever feels right.