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Old 10-03-2012, 10:55 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 2,611
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Do you give her opportunity to air out her OWN wants, needs, and limits?

If you give that and she does not want to use the opportunity it is NOT you hogging the show and "making it all about you. "

It is her not using the air time opportunity. That's on her. If she is not ready to articulate she can always open her mouth and go "I am not ready to articulate yet. I know I want some air time on this, but I need gather my thoughts time first. I will check in Friday."

Speak up. People cannot mind reader you. And if you do not speak up to assert youself?

Can't complain when people move on without your input because they cannot mind reader you. This is NOT them being selfish or making it all about them. Can't hold up the planet for you not wanting to speak up for yourself and your own wants, needs, limits.

Quote:
But anyway, yeah, apparently I'm too willing to state what I want, so G feels I "make everything about me." But I hear her out and respond. Maybe what she's frustrated with is just the limits that are a direct result of her actions, and is trying to guilt me into shifting my needs to make her now-complicated life a little easier. No thanks. But then, maybe I do make everything about me! I mean, you've seen how long my posts are...
Do not assume. Do not stay confused. Just ask for the clarify.
"Please clarify. When you say I make everything about me...
  • Do I or do I not give opportunity so you have a chance to give your input? Yes or no?
  • Do you actually use the opportunity to speak up about your needs? Yes or no?
  • When you speak your needs, do I or do I not try to listen and work it out with you?
  • Do you mean you are frustrated that the limits are a direct result of your actions? Yes or no?
  • Are you trying to guilt me into shifting my needs to make your now complicated life a little easier? Yes or no?"
It's not fun to hold a squirmy partner accountable but until you do, they will continue to Teflon Kid sliiiiiiide and coast along.

Things have changed and G will test you to see how well you stick to the new way of going or not. We teach others how we want to be treated.

GG

Last edited by GalaGirl; 10-03-2012 at 11:05 PM.
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