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Old 10-03-2012, 08:23 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,467

Originally Posted by nondy2 View Post
However, I do have sympathy for people who are unhappily married and CAN'T be poly - and don't want to get divorced. I am not saying it is right. I am saying I have empathy - because I am somewhat in that situation too - except (luckily my husband is open minded). What does someone do if they are unhappily married but can't get divorced either- ?
I have incredible amounts of sympathy for those that are unhappily married and can't be poly, but that doesn't mean that I am going to have a relationship with them.

And there is no such thing as "can't" get divorced. It *is* a choice. It may well be that they have evaluated the consequences of getting a divorce and that it would make their lives worse, but it is still their choice.

Originally Posted by nondy2 View Post
It seems to take a lover was the common thing for centuries.
So was slavery - didn't make that right, either.

Originally Posted by nondy2 View Post
I guess in my mind our polyamoury was the honest version of take a lover instead of being add more love.
If everyone involved (which includes his wife) was not informed and consented to it, then in my mind it's not a truly ethical situation and is therefore cheating. You may be in poly relationships, but he is cheating, and you are enabling that.

Originally Posted by nondy2 View Post
I know that people tend to judge people who date mono people - PLEASE don't judge me. The internet is a scary place and I truly am just looking for support.
Most poly folks don't judge those that date or are in a relationship with a mono person - there is a whole sub-type of poly called mono/poly which covers that (and I am in one). But in this version everybody is fully informed and consents to it. That is the difference.

There are those that say that what their partners do is none of their business - if they have a spouse and are cheating on them then it's not their concern, but that's not something that I could deal with in my life.

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
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