Sorry. I was getting emails with only part of yr posts. The posts are very helpful and not judging at all! Thank you.
You ask what am I not getting that I want "to go all the way." Well, it's not kids (don't want any more) not finances or particularly living together.
I guess what I want is an intense romantic and sexual and emotionally intimate relationship. Supposedly, that CAN happen in poly, but I don't see it because I only meet guys you 1. are married 2. will evenly want to GET married or 3. want casual sex. I think it's hard (impossible?) to find someone who will ethically agree to be the 'little bit' on the side for a long time.
I guess I'm still wondering why be poly at all? If the sex and intimacy is very good in one del. - why look for more. I understand in a bi or kink situation, but when I'm in love, I just want to be with that person.