Thank you so much.
Part One of you advice is incredibly helpful.
Part Two is interesting. To me, my primary issue at this point is whether to stay married. And how to make that work.
As far as seeing someone who is cheating, I have a slightly different feeling than most poly people might. Yes. I agree it it unethical. Yes. I agree that it is unwise and I probably will get out.
However, I do have sympathy for people who are unhappily married and CAN'T be poly - and don't want to get divorced. I am not saying it is right. I am saying I have empathy - because I am somewhat in that situation too - except (luckily my husband is open minded). What does someone do if they are unhappily married but can't get divorced either- ?
It seems to take a lover was the common thing for centuries. I guess in my mind our polyamoury was the honest version of take a lover instead of being add more love.
I know that people tend to judge people who date mono people - PLEASE don't judge me. The internet is a scary place and I truly am just looking for support.