Thank you everyone!
The situation is sticky. Since being poly (2 1/2 yrs) my relationship with my husband has greatly improved. We communicate better and are more peaceful.
However, the situation still feels different than others. The reason I am happier is that he has a sexual/romantic partner and I don't feel pressure to have sex or be romantic with him. Now that this pressure is lifted, I feel much closer to him. I always felt like I was forcing myself into feelings I don't have and I dreaded sex, rather than looked forward to it.
Is anyone else in this situation? Is everyone here sexual and romantic with their primary partner? It's a hard situation. I want all the wonderful things we have -we raise our kids and work well together, but romance isn't there for me. But I don't even know if marriage can be based on romance!