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Old 12-14-2009, 10:40 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,683

Oh I was so happy for you until you said he was cheating. Which means you are too. You are not only distroying his wifes life but yours, his and your husbands. Not to mention the future potential for trust and deep meaningful love for ALL of you. I don't care how mean he says she is. It takes two to create that.
Cheating is for me the most damaging thing anyone can do to another in a relationship. I personally think it is as worse as abuse. If you are involved in it you are damaging other people and therefore are not poly. You are abusing the situation and therefore those in it.

Poly is about love, respect, concern, meeting people where they are at and most of all integrity (emotionally and otherwise). This is my forumla for a good relationship.

I agree with
GS largely on this one. If I were you I would be telling him you won't see him until he stops decieving his wife and works out his business. When he does and if she is okay with it, which is highly unlikely concidering your beginnings with him, then you can meet her and him together and negotiate.

Really, having experienced what I have with cheaters I would find out before getting involved with anyone if their wife knows AND meet the wife first. I have been lied to in this respect and told they know when they don't. NEVER again. Personally I refuse to be involved in that again now that I have seen the damage it does.

I'm sorry this sounds harsh and might not be what you want to hear, but people are not all like you and able to get over cheating. Good for you for not being jealous, but have some empathy and remember how you felt. Then do the right thing.

There is lots on the forum about cheating. We have had some long discussions over the monthes. Have a look and read as it might be helpful.
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