Greetings from upstate NY
I'm a 30 year old female in a challenging poly relationship, just trying to figure out what it is I really want.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years and met when we were both married to other people. Those relationships ended (for myriad reasons, among them our spouses' demand for monogamy), and we became primary partners. For awhile it was all bliss, but I found out that he had been lying about the other women he was seeing, which kind of goes against the whole idea of being poly. He also went into every date with every new woman with the mindset that this was going to be some big, important relationship and that this other person should be as high a priority to him as I was. And that's not something I'm ok with, especially with a complete stranger.
I managed to convince him to take a hiatus so we could work through our issues, and after a year he's dating again, but I'm uncomfortable with the girl and with the situation in general. Every time he meets someone new I end up feeling neglected in some way. This week has been particularly hard, as there's been a lot going on. It's just frustrating that we've had to sacrifice the majority of our time together to deal with life, but he refused to give up one minute of the time he had allotted for her. I'm trying not to keep score here, but it's hard to feel like I'm important to him when he doesn't make time for us.
We also don't know any poly people (sane ones that is), and we're not out to most people, and it's adding to my sense of isolation. I'm just hoping for some guidance, or tough love, or something.