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Old 10-03-2012, 01:40 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,049
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyinlove View Post
How often should secondaries see the people they are involved with? Is it really possible for someone who is married to another person to love the secondary? How long can this relationship last?
"How often should secondaries see the people they are involved with?"
This totally depends on the people involved and what they want. You will read on these forums people who are in every situation from "a few times a year" (in LDRs) to "everyday" (my "secondary" lives with us).

"Is it really possible for someone who is married to another person to love the secondary?"
Short answer - YES. Long answer - this is one of, what I see as, one of the basic tenets of the concept of what we call "polyamory" that it IS possible (for some people) to love more than one person. Some people, however, feel that they are "wired" monogamous - these people do not feel it is possible FOR THEM (although they may acknowledge that it is possible for others).

"How long can this relationship last?"
As long as it is the right for the people in it? Or to frame it another way - "How long can a monogamous relationship last?" Dude and I have been together for 1.5 years - he says he wants to be here for "a long time" (years? decades? forever?). BUT, life is uncertain - I've been with MrS for 20 years - I plan on being with him for "a long time" (years? decades? forever?) But either of these relationships could come to an end, for unforeseeable reasons, at ANY time. It's not about whether it's poly or mono, primary or secondary, it's about whether the relationship is meeting the needs of the people in it. It doesn't sound like your needs are being met...

JaneQ
__________________
Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (together 21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (together 3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs on this site:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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