Breaking up...maybe transition to secondary?
After many months of trying to make it work my partner is throwing in the towel. He thinks that what we want out of poly is just too different. He wants basically a commune-like living situation, with many life-partnered people living together. I just want to be a normal person who has other lovers sometimes.
I would be willing to keep working and try to find a middle ground but he has basically made up his mind that he wants only this one specific thing and I can't give it to him.
I am so heartbroken, I feel so sad and disappointed. I thought we were a family and we would continue to build our lives around each other.
He suggested that instead of breaking up completely we just transition into something more like secondaries. He said whenever his next relationship happens, he will take it very slow due to mistakes he made with me, so it will give us some time to transition.
I don't know what to think or feel about this. I don't want it at all, I want everything to stay how it is. I don't want to move and I really don't want to stop being in love with him. He thinks this is the best way to do things, and he said he will love me and be supportive when I find someone new.
Please, if anyone has any thoughts or advice, I could use your help. This is the worst breakup I have ever experienced. It hurts so badly.