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Old 10-02-2012, 08:58 PM
InfinitePossibility InfinitePossibility is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 361
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I keep coming back and reading this thread. And the links.

I can't entirely decide what I think about seeking to love without attachment. On the one hand, I very much agree that things are easier for me if the actions of others don't affect my emotional state. If I'm content with myself, my choices and my life and not dependent on others for happiness, contentment or pleasure. If I seek my own goals rather than trying to force a partner or a friend to do things for or with me just because of our relationship.

I get all of that. Really and truly get it.

But - on the other hand - I see human beings as social beings. We do get attached to each other and to beings that are not our species. I think our tendency to do so is wonderful.

Of course, we can go too far and lose ourselves in relationships with others but for me, the answer isn't to try and remain unattached but rather to look for ways for attachments to be healthy for all involved and to bring benefits to the lives of everybody who is attached.

Even if being attached means that the actions of somebody I love can really ruin my day or if it means that I would be devastated by their loss. Even in some cases if it means repeated and ongoing moments of discomfort - depends on the attachment and the reasons for the discomfort.

Cyndie - I have been thinking about your feelings for your current lover. I wonder if it's possible that what you fear is that your relationship with him might change because of his new friend?

It would seem to me that some concern over it is utterly reasonable. Sometimes a friend getting somebody new in their life does mean a change. I have experienced being edged out by the new person, deliberately edging myself out because of the new person, gaining a new friend for myself and most often - no change at all to the relationship I have with my friend.

But knowing the possibilities, it often does make me edgy if somebody I care lots about announces that they have met somebody new and exciting. I can be happy and excited for them and still anxious and worried for my relationship with them.

I think you might be being a bit hard on yourself. It's fine to feel worried and anxious under the circumstances. More so as you are making your way through a really tough time. I hope you are being as gentle and kind with yourself as you are with him.

IP

Last edited by nycindie; 05-05-2014 at 02:51 AM.
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