It reads like Muppet Show Chaos to me -- people going in not all clear, all sorts of shenanigans, and in the end people are still not clear and there's flying feathers and kerfuffle all over. Who is navigating? Who is steering? Where are we going? What do we want? Nobody knows.
It does not read like Star Wars Jedi Players. All agreed to the mission they signed up for, go in all on board the polyship knowing their duties and expectations, all wants, needs, and limits known and honored. Crew of this polyship executes the mission well so the polyship can fly straight.
So at this juncture:
- Who is broken? And needs apologies made and trust repairs?
- Who is on board the polyship? Is it closed or open? Are there more than one polyships flying? Are people clear of their roles in each?
- Who is NOT on board the polyship, but a Metamour? Are they Closed or Open?
- Who is on the swingset? And is it Closed or Open? Like with steady swing partners or casual recreational sex with whoever profile looks appealing for a hook up?
- Once all people are ID'd as the things they are, how do we agree to be together so that all people's wants, needs, and limits are being respected here?Is there a framework for you you agree to be together in relationship and an agreed way to resolve conflicts that pop up?
Are people not to be trusted with barrier sex?
Then best YOU put on your own condom at all times or risk getting cootified by somebody.
You are engaging in risky sex activities with the group going all over the map right now.
I can't even keep up with who is shagging who here in the mere reading of it, and if you have broken trust places not mended? Who knows if there's extra partners hidden somewhere who are not clean people sex health wise.
YOU make sure you have barrier sex at all times. Or only sex with toys. Or no sex at all with these people. Put your own oxygen mask on first.
Muppets are fun to watch on TV. Not so much fun to be living in Muppet Show chaos.
Hang in there. Do sort yourselves out.
You CAN do swinging and polyamory at the same time in ethical fashion. But only if you talk out your agreements and actually stick to your agreements.