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Old 10-02-2012, 12:47 AM
Vicki82 Vicki82 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Niagara Falls, NY
Posts: 208

Right about now, I don't know what I want. I'm just sad.

I don't want to ask for him to renegotiate the secrecy thing with the sub because it might cost him his relationship with her. He hasn't said that but I can only guess that's what it means. How can I be that selfish? I'm jealous because right about now, I want what she has. Lovely thing, envy. Although when things are "normal", I'm happier with what I have even when I'm LD. I'm sure the root cause of all of this is just that I am unhappy and lonely since I can't see L or spend much time with him.

No, my lover listens to me when I need to. He made time for a phone call today and we talked for about an hour when he was on his way home from work. He apologized and said he could have handled the situation better and he understands that I am hurting. He was there for me, and he told me that he still wants me in his life, it's just hard right now. He reiterated that the blog post wasn't for me and it doesn't change anything between us.

When it comes to L, yes, my husband expects me to hold my own bag. He is not really able to be there for me about another man. Like I've said, he loves me and supports my need to have other relationships, but he knows I am serious about L and that is really hard for him. He understands why L's wife wants DADT because he could see himself being like that. I'm the one with the need to talk and I have a hard time respecting his limits at times because I really need it from him. He's my best friend and I really don't have many people I can talk to about L.

I'm probably not being balanced about all this just because I am sad that my needs can't be met right now. They can't. It is what it is and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. That makes me feel really shitty.
Me: 34 yrs, poly pansexual Dominant female.
My People:
Henry, 30yrs, my collared submissive, cohabitating. Currently no other partners.
Kiddo, my 6 year old son
Mark/StbxH, my exhusband of ten years, finally divorced.
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