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Old 10-02-2012, 12:37 AM
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rory rory is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Europe
Posts: 497

Nothing new really, but recently I've noticed myself thinking that I do feel very polysaturated. I guess it is due to reflecting with Mya that I notice this. Although there are no agreements with my partners that would state that I can't start another relationship, I don't really see myself as available. I notice this when I talk with Mya about her potentially dating somebody new... I don't really consider doing that myself. Never say never, but at the moment I feel pretty strongly that I really don't want to have a third partnership. It would be too much.

I don't know why it feels important to say that. It's kinda like saying "I don't want to order another pizza". What is the point of stating that? Nobody is saying I should so just don't do it if you don't want to. I guess I just want to remember this feeling of polysaturation in case I get those feelings for somebody and have that urge at some point. Unless the situation hasn't changed significantly, I want to remember that in a grand scheme of things, I just don't want another relationship.

I guess there's also something... At times the two partnerships feel like a lot. Luckily, haven't felt like it's too much, but maybe even a bit more would be enough in terms of energy and time. I think some of all this is also adjusting to the new situation of living in the same place with both. And all the mental exhaustion around everything else in my life right now. It hasn't really been the concrete aspects, i.e. the time I've spent with my partners has been lovely, rather things like mental energy that goes into scheduling, or not even really the act of scheduling itself but the fact that I have an activity scheduled.

There's something that is psychologically a bit difficult in that regardless of how very much I actually want to do the activity I have scheduled. Don't know how to explain it, it's just that it's there in the back of my mind (and as a reminder on my phone) as something I need to remember to do; and I guess right now it's more of an effect since I have 148 things in the back of my mind (and on my phone) that need doing. Don't really think there's much that can be done about that, because not scheduling meeting when that is something I want to happen would be even more stressful since then meeting would be too spontaneous. I guess time will help once it becomes more routine and maybe certain days emerge.

(This probably sounds like a Big Problem, but it's not. I just like to think&write about stuff.)
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